Living Distracted

April 3rd, 2022 by Joan Maiden

It is estimated that a person will spend 6 years and 8 months of their lives on social media.

Resisting distractions is one of our greatest challenges.

As I sit down to write this article, my computer thinks I need to be notified of the latest news feeds and the popup covers up my document. Once I finally get it to go away, I get back to my article. Email dings to tell me that I’ve got mail. Better check it just in case it’s something important. It wasn’t. It takes awhile to get my mind back on the task at hand. Just as I get back in to writing the article, I get a notification that I have a message. It only takes a few seconds to check that as well. I wonder why I am not more productive. It’s easy to fall in to the distraction trap.

We lose an average of 2.1 hours daily with these distractions. Just one single distraction can stop you from working for 5-10 minutes, and this can happen as often as every 15 minutes. But we don’t just lose those 5-10 minutes. It takes about 25 minutes to return fully to the task at hand. A typical mobile phone user checks their phone more than 150 times a day, making focusing almost impossible. I am guilty as well.

Not only does social media take us away from our tasks, it often takes us away from people and places. How many times do we see two people out to dinner and both are on their phone instead of talking to each other? Or children trying to get their parents attention only to be ignored while the parents are busy on their phones. Living in California in a popular tourist spot, I often see people using the beautiful view as the backdrop for their selfies or taking in the scenery on a 3”x5” screen.

Has social media become an addiction?

Has social media become an addiction? Research shows that when people are denied access to social media they become anxious. Is it an addiction to social media or a fear of missing out? Will everyone else know more than we do sooner? What will friends think if we don’t comment on every post?  (They probably won’t notice.) Does having something to say make us feel important? Do we need to weigh in on every opinion?

People have always been addicted to gossip and drama. My grandmother got her gossip by listening in on the party-line and my mother shared gossip with her friends by phone or in the coffee klatch. Now there is a larger platform on which to share. Instead of friends and neighbors, we are sharing to the whole world and getting their gossip as well. When I was growing up, keeping your own counsel and not sharing all of your business was considered wise. It was generally agreed that some things were better remaining private. Today, nothing remains private and people don’t hesitate to share the most intimate details of their life and air their dirty linen or every little thing that happens to them however unimportant. No wonder we are overwhelmed. There is an information overload.

“We rarely find answers in the distractions.”

Tempted to procrastinate? A distraction is just a click away. Resisting distractions is one of our greatest challenges. I find myself seeking the distraction when I’m bored or struggling to make myself sit down and get busy.

“We rarely find answers in the distractions. But oh what possibilities live within the quiet of solitude.” Scott Stabile

Quiet and solitude have been calling me for a while. I can’t accomplish things that are meaningful to me if I am always distracted by the small, unimportant things.

So what is the antidote? Do we need to go cold turkey and give up all social media? The answer is to fill the void with meaningful goals that challenge and stretches you. One you can become fully engrossed in.

Pick up your pen, paintbrush, garden trowel, or go for a walk—whatever creative activity you enjoy. The more you become fully engaged in what you are doing, the less distractions will distract you.

It is estimated that a person will spend 6 years and 8 months of their lives on social media.

“Don’t be on your deathbed someday having squandered your one chance at life, full of regret because you pursued little distractions instead of big dreams.” Derek Sivers

“By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.” Christopher Columbus

A Beautiful Sunset

February 11th, 2022 by Joan Maiden

February is my birthday month. Every year is a reminder that there are more years behind me than ahead of me. I am in my “sunset years”. The sunset on the prairie is amazing and on the west coast where I now live, I am awed by the beauty of the sunset over the Pacific Ocean. Even though it is nearing the end of the day, the sun goes out in a blaze of glory. It spreads its beautiful colors across the sky until the last minute when it disappears behind the horizon.

It reminds me that I have a choice of how I approach my own sunset. I can choose how brightly I shine. I can allow the clouds of worry, regret and anxiety to dim my light or can I can shine through the clouds. I don’t knows when my sun will set but I will not concern myself about it but shine and make the most of every minute until that time.

It amazes me how long the glow of the sun remains after it slip below the horizon.  I hope that after my sun sets, I leave behind a warm glow when people think of me, have made a difference in some lives and inspired others to live their best life.

“Therefore, with joy I enter into the activities of the day, and with confidence, I look forward to tomorrow, and without regrets I remember the events of yesterday.” — Ernest Holmes

Stop Making Resolutions

January 7th, 2022 by Joan Maiden

 The beginning of a new year is a time of reflection. I stopped making resolutions years ago since I never kept them anyway. Probably because they were what I thought I “should” do. Lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, stick to a budge…the list was endless.

Instead, I started setting a theme for the year. I have found that when I focus on my theme; I see it manifest everywhere. Last year my theme was “joy”.. Everywhere I turned, I read about joy and often wrote about joy.

As I contemplate the coming year, I wonder what my theme for  2022 should be. Two words keep coming to my mind. They are “confidence” and “purpose”.

“There is no greater gift you can give or receive than to honor your calling. It’s why you were born. And how you become most truly alive.” – Oprah Winfrey

Each one has been given a unique purpose. This year as I contemplate my purpose, I know I can approach it with the confidence that I will be given everything I need to fulfill it and find joy in the process.

It is essential to wake up every morning with a purpose. Let your purpose be the first thought of the day.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a big purpose or a small one because without a purpose, it’s too easy to get busy and waste so much precious time. Busyness without purpose is how we waste our lives.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eleanor Roosevelt

I am confident I will know the right roads to take at the right time as focus on my purpose and I anticipate the adventures to come,

What is your theme for 2022?

Don’t Be Like My Grandma

October 20th, 2021 by Joan Maiden

Life is a gift to be opened and experienced every day!

When my grandmother got a gift, she would never open it all the way. She would just tear off a corner and peek inside. Maybe she didn’t want to mess up the pretty wrapping paper. I often wondered if she ever finally opened the gifts and used them. Us kids, on the other hand, had no problem ripping our presents open and playing with our new toys.

“Today, I give myself the gift of my life.”

I wrote this at the top of my planner as a reminder. The more I thought about it, I realized unless I open the gift; I was like my Grandma, and just peeking inside but never using the gift. I changed it to: “Today, I open the gift of my life.” The more I think about it, that’s not quite right either.

Do you remember the feeling of opening a gift on Christmas morning, and it is EXACTLY what you wanted? What an awesome feeling! Every morning when you open your eyes, you are opening the gift of another day. You can rip it open with enthusiasm like a child or you can be like my grandma and just take a little peek, never opening it all the way, using and enjoying it.

You have the freedom to choose the gift of your day and make it exactly what you want it to be. Every day has the potential of a new adventure, experience, friendship, opportunity and so much more.  The possibilites are endless. If you want your day to bring joy, as soon as you open your eyes, choose joy.

“Today, I choose the gift of my life.”

Ditch the Old Truck

August 31st, 2021 by Joan Maiden

Sometimes my life feels like the Beverly Hillbillies’ truck. There is junk hanging off in every direction. Things I’ve carried with me for years. And of course there is Granny sitting on top of the load telling me what to do, not to do, and what I did wrong.

If you ask me what’s on my truck and why I’m keeping it, I probably won’t be able to tell you. I know I need to let go, walk away from all the unnecessary things that weigh me down and, believe me, I’ve tried. The problem with letting go and walking away, it is so easy to grab ahold once more and to circle back and pick things up again. I’ve done that more times than I care to count.

I have a different life I want to live now. The junk is wearing me out. What’s the solution? I’ve come to realize that instead of focusing on letting go of the old, I need to set my vision on my dreams and the joyful life I want to live. How do I get there with all this junk?

If I put the peddle to the metal, floor the accelerator and keep my eyes on the goal ahead, will the junk start to fly off the truck? Granny needs to be the first to go–the voice in my head playing the old tapes. The ones reminding me of how inadequate I am and how often I’ve failed. The things on top fly off next. They aren’t as deeply attached and I haven’t carried them around as long. As the load gets lighter and lighter, I can go faster and faster.

The problem is, the stuff on the bottom of the load is buried deep and just won’t fly off. I realize I no longer need any of this junk but as long as I keep driving this old truck, there’s always room for this old crap and I will probably keep carrying it around.. It’s time to pack the few things that truly bring me joy, park the old truck and leave it behind.

As I walk toward my dreams, I realize that a wonderful life is available. It’s been there all along, but I was just too weighted down to reach it. There’s a wonderful new ride waiting for me. Unlike the old truck, it doesn’t have room for extra baggage. It’s time to travel with a lighter load.

WOW! What a wonderful ride life turned out to be when I discovered the courage and strength to leave the old behind, lighten my load, and make way for my dreams. 

Let Your Light Shine

August 4th, 2021 by Joan Maiden

This Little Light of Mine was one of my favorite songs in Sunday School when I was a child. Little did a comprehend the full meaning of shining my light.

No matter how much darkness may surround you, there is always an ember that is never extinguished. If you walk into a dark room where only a tiny ember glows, you won’t see clearly what is in that room. That’s how life often feels when you are in a dark place. When you turn up the light, you can start to distinguish shapes and objects. Turn the light up even brighter and the world will be displayed in full color. You will see the doors that open for you and the opportunities waiting.

How do you turn up your light and shine brightly? A fire takes three elements: heat, oxygen and fuel. The heat comes from the ember, no matter how weak the glow. When you want to ignite a fire, one of the first things you do is blow on the ember or use bellows to give it air. As the embers start to glow, you then start adding fuel. At first, just a little at a time.

The ember is the life-force inside of you. Even when your world is dark, that spark never completely goes out. It needs to be fanned into a bright flame. Your oxygen is your passion. Ever notice how much brighter the world is when you are engaged in something you are passionate about?

Your passion is as individual as you. It may be a passion to change the world, your town, or yourself. Or it may be to create art, music, writing, a beautiful garden, or to prepare a nourishing meal for yourself and loved ones. Your passion may be as simple finding joy in the little things of life and making the world a brighter, more beautiful place.

Passion is useless unless applied to activity. Sitting and contemplating your passion but not acting on it will not bring you joy nor bring about change. Purpose is the fuel that keeps your light burning brightly. It is forward momentum–the journey. Start small, but start. Get busy, engage, and you will be amazed how quickly your world becomes a brighter, more beautiful place.

The second verse is “hide it under a bushel, NO, I’m going to let it shine.” As women, too often, we hide our light under a bushel. We’ve been told not to shine too brightly nor bring attention to ourselves. The shoulds of being a good girl, a proper woman, and knowing your place are shoved at us constantly to dim our light. If you shine too brightly, you may just be too much for some people. Let no one judge how brightly to shine.

The Divine has placed the light in your hands. It is a gift and a responsibility. The world needs your light. Guard it and keep it shining brightly, lift it up to light the path for others who struggle to find their way and shine their own light. Don’t dim your light for ANYONE!

 

My Search for Joy

July 4th, 2021 by Joan Maiden

This morning as I walked along the shore, I felt extremely sad and wondered where my joy had gone. The past few days, I haven’t been very joyful even though joy has been a recent theme in my writing. I wondered how I lost my joy and what I needed to do to get it back.

I returned from a visit with family reminded of how fragile life is. My elderly aunt, who was always vivacious, is suffering from dementia. Large pieces of the person I remember and love aren’t there anymore. Another loved one is dealing with cancer. I arrived home to the news that a 63-year-old friend dropped dead of a massive heart attack. He was active and looked to be in perfect health.

Fear has been a companion for as long as I can remember. I deal with it better now, but as I contemplated how fragile life is, fear engulfed me once again. Fear was drowning my joy. Joy cannot coexist with the regret of yesterday, nor the fear of tomorrow. Joy can sit with sadness and grief, and walk hand-in-hand with hope and gratitude. It doesn’t need a smile to exist. Joy is not happiness. They are two entirely different things. Happiness depends on outside circumstances, but joy is an inside job. Joy is embracing peace and hope in the midst of chaos.

I wondered what I needed to do to once again discover my joy. I walked over to a park bench to sit and meditate awhile. Families contribute many of the benches in memory of loved ones. I rarely pay attention to the inscriptions, but as I sat on the bench, the words there seemed to jump out at me. They were my answer.

“Do what you love to do,” what brings you joy. Follow your passion. Find a purpose. Create. Walk in nature. Listen to joyful music. Joy blooms through connections. Spend time with joyful people and watch your own joy blossom.

Joy is a choice. It is deliberate and intentional. It doesn’t just happen. Joy is a choise to make today and every day. It is this moment; every moment. Joy is ready to be dived into, to be surrendered to. The Bible says “Joy comes in the morning”. With the dawn of each new day, you have a choice to make. Choose joy, hope, and gratitude. You can live with fear and miss out on joy, or do what you love, embrace joy and plan to live. Joy brings life to life.

 

Breaking Not Broken

May 7th, 2021 by Joan Maiden

Brokenness seems to be a popular topic on Social Media. I may describe myself as broken, but that really isn’t an accurate description. The definition of broken is “damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order; having no hope”. In contrast, the meaning of wounded is “injured, hurt by, or suffering from a wound”. A scar is “a lasting effect of grief, fear, or other emotion left by a traumatic experience; a mark left by damage.” Life often wounds me, and I proudly carry the scars to prove I can survive, but I am not broken.

When knocked down, even when it’s difficult, I seek the strength to get back up, eventually. I strive to carry optimism and hope, instead of the vision that life no longer works and there is no hope. As difficult as it is, I seek to look at every experience with gratitude, enthusiasm, and joy because, even when I’m wounded, the pain proves that I am alive, take chances, experience life, and each wound forges my strength.

The wounds and scars have made me more powerful and stronger than I ever imagined. Because of them, I have the strength to break the chains that have bound me to the limitations of fear, regret, lack of self-confidence, and doubt. I am breaking, not broken.

My #1 Secret to Staying Young

February 17th, 2021 by Joan Maiden

February is my birthday month. As I enter my 68th year, I have no idea what 68 is supposed to look and feel like. I am constantly bombarded with the image that youth is exemplified by glamour and sexiness and aging means disintegration. Even at 68, I still feel sexy and glamorous more often than old and decrepit.

My mother would often comment that she didn’t feel old but wondered where the old woman in the mirror came from. An older woman was walking in the park one day and we struck up a conversation. She told me that she was 92 and walked 10 miles per day. “I don’t feel any different inside than I did in college,” she told me.

Now I understand what they meant. Maybe youth isn’t a time of life, but rather, a state of mind and age is simply a sum of experiences. Losing dreams and ideals are more aging than the passing of years. Years may wrinkle my skin, but losing dreams will wrinkle my soul.

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not yet arrived. Today I stand on the threshold of things that are wonderful and new. New experiences await and I will maintain a sense of wonder and awe as I look forward to what’s next. I can’t wait!

 

To My Daughter

January 21st, 2021 by Joan Maiden

January 20, 2021 was a historical day for all women. As I watched the first woman to be sworn in as Vice President, I had tears in my eyes because I had doubted I would see it in my lifetime.  The glass ceiling is finally shattering.

When I was a young woman looking for a job in the newspaper ads (yes, real newspapers), they were listed as “Men’s Jobs” and “Women’s Jobs”. On job interviews it was common to be asked if I was planning on getting married and getting pregnant. Men working beside women in the exact same job were paid more with the reasoning men had to support families. The single man without a family, working beside the single mother working to support her children, earned more. Married women were typically paid less because, after all, they “had a husband to take care of them”.

When I became pregnant with you, my boss asked when I planned to quit. Maternity leave was not an option. Birth control was not always available to single women let alone a woman’s right to control her own body.

I am so proud of the strides you’ve made in your own career and life. The sky’s the limit now. Never forget what a strong woman you are and the strength of women when they unit.  My generation fought hard for equality. We now pass the torch to you and the generations of women to follow. We’ve come a long way, but remember to remain vigilant. Let NO ONE infringe on your rights for equality.

Love,

Mom